I Have Everything I Need Right Now.

What do I need right now?

I pondered this question on the subway, coming home from recording an interview.

I hadn’t brought a book. My ears were over saturated by podcasts and needed a break. I’m off social media and so couldn’t scroll. And so I sat with my Moleskin and pen and started sketching to-dos for the rest of my day and week.

What tasks might bring the clarity I’m seeking in this four-day Challenge?

By the time I made it home, several tasks — emails and phone calls — were already checked off.  Goals that seemed insurmountable last week are being chipped away at. I was feeling focused and energized and present, marveling that a simple question and to-do list could get so much done.

Then I sat in my corner armchair for fifteen minutes of coffee and reading time — a to-do before the rest of today — and a quick scan of my inbox showed an email I didn’t want to open. I have a feeling it’s news I don’t want. Something that, if read unprepared, could set me down a self-sabotaging path.

The before-Year-me would have opened it immediately.

I did not.

Instead, I read my book and drank my coffee. When my fifteen minutes were up, I walked into my kitchen and set a timer for two minutes. I stood at my window, looked down at Riverside Drive, and put my body into my Power Pose. I started to cycle through my List of Five. I listened to birds chirping, trying to settle upon which powerhouse lady’s energy I most wanted to channel in this moment, when my brain again caught upon the sentence, “What do I need right now?”

I started cycling that instead.

What do I need right now?

What do I need right now?

What do I need right now?

I realized that not falling upon habits — food, social media, television, opening the email, whatever — requires me to ask that question all the time: What do I need to help get me from this moment to the next with the utmost success?

As the sunlight streamed through the budding trees in front of me and I took in the sweet bliss of birds chirping at the spring, the sentence shifted.

What do I need right now?

I have everything I need right now.

I have everything I need right now.

I have everything I need right now.

Instead of channeling someone else’s power, I realized the power of my surroundings. On the second floor of my building, I was basically hovering in the air, on eye level with the birds! I had hot coffee, a safe home, and work waiting for me! I had a sunny day, and soft clothes, and quiet. I had safety, and strength.

I have everything I need right now.

Part of this Challenge is to only write non-work things I want to write. So I came back to my desk to mark this. I’m going to open the email. I expect not-great news. But because of this fifteen-minute process, it won’t slay the rest of my day. I’ll read it, accept it, put addressing it aside for later, and continue tackling the rest of the to-dos.

Many things in my life need to change.

But I have everything I need, too.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s