I woke up at 5:50am just now. On a Sunday.
I think my neighbors are stil Halloween-ing it up. Whatevs. All I know is this doesn’t bode will for someone’s body.
After not falling back to sleep and ruminating on deep life stuff for a total seven minutes, I found myself on Amazon scrolling for mattress toppers which, given current deep life ruminations and the state of my high-quality but slightly aging mattress, could be judged an essential purchase. Another seven minutes later, and a very sensible choice was one-click away from being delivered to me within hours of something(one) else coming to my door.
And then I stopped. And clicked “save for later.”
Because, despite how “easy” this part of the challenge has been, the purpose of the “no shopping” thing was to get out of the habit of so quickly clicking on a book, or a soundtrack, or a laundry hamper, or a superfluous gift, or whatever else it is that would feel good in the moment.
Like right now, when I’m lying in bed and pondering how my bed will feel when someone new joins me in it. Which is a valid thing to ponder, and a something to potentially justify a purchasing click — especially since that purchase has been considered for my own benefit many times recently.
In a few hours the sun will come up. And I will rise from my dark bed and turn on the computer and look at my bank accounts and decide whether or not this purchase truly feels essential right now, because there has been a cleansing effect of my space and a positive affect on my bank account these last 89 days. And I don’t wanna blow that all to pieces at 6:09am because… well… Amazon and sleep and men exist in my head together right now.
But soon these 90 days will have passed. And, like the dip back into social media addiction that came before it, I really wanna retain restraint from the habit of letting my fingers move so quickly that my brain doesn’t fully think things through.
Is that all this year has really been about so far?