I Don’t Want to Find “True Love” This Way

True Love Challenge: Day Four – I QUIT!

Technically yesterday was Day Four. But it took me hours longer to get work done then it should have (Lyme brain fog), and so by the time I opened up the day’s challenge — listing personality similarities I share with my “true love” and placing a talisman-esque figurine under my bed — I was far too tired to invest the energy. And I’m still not buying into the mantra I was to write and repeat yesterday. Nor into the essence of magic these activities claim to invoke.

I intended to push on with the program because this Year of my life is about challenging habits and getting out of my comfort zone. But according to this program’s rules. skipping a day means starting over… not taking a breath and moving on. I contemplated maybe trying to tackle two days at once?

Then I looked at Day Five’s request. And I’m out. Here’s why: 

I find the mantras of this program poorly written, inarticulate sentences that leave huge room for presumption; not introflection, but in our presuming what she’s getting at. They’re unclear. And then today, one a journaling prompt starts with: “What is the ethnicity… of your perfect partner?”

At the center, I find this hypocritical to a program that pulls cultural influences from around the world. This encourages racism and stereotyping. It offers a loose description of religious traditions from various cultures, exploiting them for this “magic” of baths and talismans, and then prompts manifesting a soulmate only if he/she doesn’t come packaged in a certain skin tone or cultural background.

I find these not helpful. Nor enough fodder for interesting self-examination or journalistic intrigue.

So I’m out. I lasted four/five days of twenty-seven.

The beautiful twist of fate in this decision, though, is that I really came to it before I’d looked up what Day was to be. I’ve been feeling off-kilter today, and so sat I for a meditation through The Goldilocks Movement. Exclusively for women, Iris Higgins runs an online retreat center with programs rife with meditation, journaling, conversation (IRL and virtually), and hypnotherapy geared towards helping us hone in on what we most genuinely want out of life. She then offers ideas or ways for us to find our own creative and practical ways to bring those things in. It’s the kind of coaching program I believe actually works. I did her meditation on decluttering, and one of the things I felt not leading to a goal that I could declutter was this very program.

Then I opened up Day Five’s prompt. And now here I am.

Conclusion: I am going to get my $10 back. And then do my due diligence and find some sort of self-help love program that I will still be skeptical of and not believe in, but at least one where I won’t be wanting to spell and grammar-check it at all times. And one where I will do the activities and be able to feel I’m at least giving it a fair shot.

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