The idea of “true love” challenges me…

True Love Challenge: Day Two

“I believe in a thing called love. Just listen to the rhythm of my heart.”

The Darkness made a damned great song, man. It’s so f’ing catchy. And I had to listen to it after journaling today’s True Love challenge. Because while I totally  believe in a thing called love, I probably should have done, well, any, research before I jumped into a program that uses words and phrases like “true love”, “soulmate”, “perfect love” and such without abandon. One that thinks steeping herbs into a bathtub to foster sexy self-confidence is part of attracting that man into your life.

So while I’m trying to give it a fair shot… I dunno.

On Love Bites, Ben and I debate this idea of true love a lot; this idea of soulmates. Neither of us believes there’s one “perfect” person on this planet for everyone, and that some meet that person and the rest are shit outta luck.

I’ve said “I love you” to six or seven guys? And I loved them–was in love with some of them, too. I love them all as human beings to this day, even the ones I no longer speak with. I’m a fountain of love. I say it to my friends, my family, and pretty much every animal I meet. Some trees, too. Loving comes easy to me. I unabashedly believe in it, confess it, feel it, express it, live it, and don’t apologize for it.

So this idea that this 27-day program is purporting so far, of this one perfect person out there I should be visualizing… this “one love”… this man who looks this certain way and has these particular traits. I dunno. As I tossed out here yesterday, this idea of perfection in one person you’re aspiring to find is offsetting to me. It feels materialistic. And the idea that you can think that person into being seems unrealistic.

I get the philosophy that we attract good things when we project good thoughts / feelings / actions / prayers out there. But I don’t think it’s because of some cosmic action of “the universe”. I think positive thoughts lead to positive action which leads to others picking up — consciously or subconsciously — things like our confidence and competence. We choose positive action (versus negativity or inaction), which often causes positive actions to come back to us. We attract happiness and confidence and love and success because we project it, and those traits are attractive to others. Not because of some myth or magic.

You can project all you want out there. But if you’re not in a place where actual, literal opportunity can meet you, I suspect “god” or “the universe” or whoever has a lot more going on out there to take care of.

So there’s a lot of projection going on in this program. Which is fine; it does bleed into the idea of self-confidence, and confidence is important. But repeating a mantra and doing bathing rituals is not establishing real confidence. It’s pretty surface. There’s no prompt or journaling meant to inspire reflection of self; it’s about “having faith” there’s someone out there, and repeating that to yourself whenever you “have doubt”.

So, yeah.

I think I’m doomed in this program. Because the thing is, it says plain and clear that you have to be confident in its success and this whole idea of “one true love” for it to work. And I don’t actually believe in that at all. And I’m totally okay with that! Because I’m confident in myself and my life! I totally know I’ll be in a loving, committed, wonderful, sexy, exciting relationship again, because it’s happened before and the world is big and beautiful and my life is hard and wonderful and challenging and rich and so I’m not worried about that.

So this is a pretty long secondary journal for a program that I’m still gonna do. Because, you know, radio show and myyearofabstinence and I don’t like quitting things. And there’s always something to be learned.

And if I magically fall in love in the next 25 days I will give away five copies of this program to the first five people who ask me for it. Promise. Because that’ll be karma totally having fun with me. And I love to be proven wrong.

xo

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