Last night, I went onto Facebook and Twitter for the first time in forty days. The reunion wasn’t at all fulfilling. Nothing on my feeds thrilled or delighted me. The birthday wishes observed were sweet, yes, but nothing like the double rainbow I saw out of a plane window during my layover in Norway on that day, or the breathtaking view while flying over Iceland. Nothing I observed about my absence shocked me, either. Yes, the engagement on my work FB posts dropped a bit, and I lost some Twitter followers (I gained some, too).
I guess the more important observation was that I didn’t care either way about what I saw upon my return.
When I started this whole thing. I said, “So what is the purpose? What is my goal? I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to wait and share that on the 41st day.”
Looking back, I guess my goal was to just not take the easy way of escapism. To not look for a connection with a man through a dating app. To not look for comfort and love and friendship by double-clicking on a photo or “liking” a status update.
And it’s worked! (As detailed on these posts,) I’ve talked to friends on the phone. I’ve talked to men in person (no dates, but I wasn’t really focusing on that, and the absence has felt good). I’ve faced my sadness and loneliness when it’s been unavoidable, and I’ve felt more happy, connected, and complete in life in general. I didn’t expect this profound a difference, and I’m so thankful for it.
I’m going to continue this through for a total of ninety days, to stay open to the idea of what fifty more will show me.
I can’t wait to find out.