I guess this is the first real test: I’m alone watching my brother’s house for the weekend.
I have the dogs. It’s beautiful, down here by the water. But I can’t help but reminisce on being here with [the filmmaker] I dated last summer, shucking oysters and making chowder and drinking wine, and gently exploring each other. I wonder if I feel more lonely when I’m happy, or when I’m sad? I’m listening to French music, drinking [good white] wine from a box. I took a gorgeous walk by the water with the dogs. I’m not sure how much better social media would make this feel. I want something present and real, not a quick fix.
Note: After this I got delightfully drunk and spent most of the evening on the back porch, listening to music and looking at the sky. I watched an 18-minute video of a train going through the Scottish highlands (a trip a friend was soon to be going on), and then emailed her a romantic, sappy, sorta drunk email about it. Nothing bad happened. I slept well, and awoke sluggish but firmly in the reality of the joyous evening.