One Day of Not Looking In the Mirror

I wake and:

  • Cover my vanity mirror with a cloth napkin…
  • Take down the mirror from my closet door and lean it in reverse against the large mirror in my (small NYC) foyer…
  • Tuck a towel around the medicine cabinet mirror in the bathroom…
  • Tuck away the tiny hanging mirror inside my walk-in closet…
  • And fold down the mirror in my jewelry box.

There seems to now be less light in my space. It’s eight am, and I realize I would have already checked my reflection twice. I have no idea how puffy my morning skin looks. Or if the ensemble I throw on in my sleepy-eyed haze will appear to my neighbors when Mitra and I walk.

But the brush bristles meeting my scalp feel so satisfying.

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I Ordered TakeOut! (One Day Of Get Over It)

I hadn’t ordered takeout since January 1st. Before that, it was a day in December, down at my friend Erin’s. Before that, sometime in August. I’ve had a guilt complex regarding take-out food, result from a No Shopping + Zero Waste combo: The plastic! I can cook! I have medical bills to pay! There’s no point!

It was becoming a complex. A habit in itself that sometimes didn’t serve me well, as it would have been a smarter, kinder choice to pay someone to bring me food.

So that’s what I did tonight. I removed the habit and Got Over It, and ordered Chinese food. $18 worth (including tip) that lasted me 3.5 precious meals and tasted oh-so-damned-amazing.

I Can’t Tell You What I Gave Up Today

It’s a secret. Shhhhhhhhh.

But I gave something up, promise. Something that I don’t want to be giving up today, but something that I think will be good for me to take a day off from — especially on a relaxing Sunday — and see how my night goes. I’ll report to myself off of this public thingy here.

Bye!

I Changed Up a Few Home Staples

The other night, I saw a Kraft mayonnaise commercial, reminding the world that it exists. Obviously, they consider themselves better than “that other guy” (Hellman’s), but that didn’t seem to be the point; it was more like a big hand waving, “Hey guys, just because you’ve always bought that thing before doesn’t mean it’s the best thing to buy!”

Cheeky.

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I Failed Today

I didn’t remove a habit. Was another long week and there’s only so much this body can take right now. I thought about what I should remove. And nothing came. And I thought, and nothing came and I thought and nothing came.

So I didn’t remove a habit today. Which may be the thing I removed today! Meta!

Shaking Out an Anxiety Response Habit

“You have to take breaks. Music is a great way to take breaks.” – Cynthia Cherish Malaran, aka DJ Cherish the Luv

It threatened to overwhelm. The source can’t be fixed in a moment or a day. I don’t have a concrete solution to make it go away. And so it loomed, closing my throat and steadily increasing my heart rate.

Cue: Anxiety. Habit: Shut Down.

Today’s Action: Dance It Out

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A Morning of Shape Shifting

I opened my eyes. I turned on music. I hit the mat. And I moved my body.

Okay. A few boring details came between the start and finish lines there. But the gist is that coffee and scrolling and work were delayed in the habit shift of beginning my day first on the yoga mat, as I moved to music and warmed up my machine.

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What It’s Like To Change Up a Morning Coffee Habit

I roll out of bed and drag myself to the coffee maker. Sometimes I’ve thought ahead, and there’s not fuel ready for me. Other days, I groggily scoop and fill and press start. Then I go to the bathroom, splash some water on my eyes, and head back to pour a cup (dotting with my dreamy fresh almond milk, of course). I take it on my walk with Mitra or head straight to my desk to work.

Every day. Every day.

Every. Day.

But not today.

Today, I’m having my first cup at the shop around the corner, around other humans going about their own morning routines. I’m changing it up, just to see what happens. Because that’s what the final forty days of My Year of Abstinence are about.

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A 40-Day Quest To Knock Out Daily Habit

Three-hundred-and-twenty-six days ago, I awoke to the first of forty days away from social media and dating apps. In that next chunk of time, my interactions with others shifted profoundly. I crossed an ocean and explored a new city alone, but present. I breathed in new experiences. I journaled and reflected.

By day forty, I had broken a habit. I had changed a routine.

I kept going, committing to and continuing on a Year of exploration.

And now I begin my final forty-day Challenge.

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I Have Everything I Need Right Now.

What do I need right now?

I pondered this question on the subway, coming home from recording an interview.

I hadn’t brought a book. My ears were over saturated by podcasts and needed a break. I’m off social media and so couldn’t scroll. And so I sat with my Moleskin and pen and started sketching to-dos for the rest of my day and week.

What tasks might bring the clarity I’m seeking in this four-day Challenge?

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4 Days of Deep Focus

I am hella overwhelmed.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been frantically bogged down in a mire of, “What next?!” What should I do for work? Where should I be looking? Should I leave New York? Do I just want to be single? Which part of all of this should I prioritize?

Soaking in the tub and watching the Gilmore Girls revival (why can’t I stop watching this stupid show?!), Lorelei’s complete lack of direction had me totally angsty because I, too, feel like everything around me is moving, and I’m standing still.”

So starting tomorrow, I’m slowing everything around me down for a while.

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